BDSM in Jewish wedding

Imagine that you are Jewish and observant, and that you are into BDSM, both domination/submission and physical play. Imagine further that you have found a partner with complimentary interests, that you have been seeing each other for a while, and have decided to get married. Mazal tov! So you are planning a traditional Jewish wedding.

Would you want the submissive/bottom person to wear something BDSM-ish during the ceremony? Would you want them to wear a collar (concealed)? Would you want them to have something sexual or uncomfortable/painful going on under their clothes? What about the dominant/top person?

Would you want to do something BDSM-ish during yichud (a period just after the chuppah ceremony when the couple is alone together in private)? What sort of thing? BDSM pledges? A show of submission? A beating? Would you want to play in yichud? Would you want to fuck in yichud?

If you’ve been a situation similar to this, what did you do? How did it work out? Were you pleased with it?

I was recently talking with someone who is Jewish, observant, interested in pretty intense submission and bottoming, and wants to meet and marry someone of complimentary interests, and it made me think about such a wedding.

When I first thought about it, I imagined a bride wearing nipple clamps and something interesting and uncomfortable on her genitals during the ceremony. Mmmmm. But as I thought about it, I decided that the huppah ceremony is a religious ritual — brachot (blessings) are said, G-d’s name is used, and so on. While I think that Jewish ritual is great, and sex and BDSM are great, I don’t think they should be combined. So, while the image is tittilating, I don’t think I would actually do it or have it done. Perhaps I would have the sub wear a concealed collar or some other token.

As to yichud, it was originally a time to consumate the marriage, so in my opinion, whatever you do or would want to do as part of your sex lives, or even any private acts between you, would be a fine thing to do in yichud. So a show of submission, physical play, sex, all good. Usually there is not much time, and not much sound privacy, in yichud, so you might be limited, but heck it is your wedding — do what you like.

(I think 18 minutes privacy is required, more is allowed, but most people are in a hurry to get back to the guests. I think most of the time yichud really is not much more than 18 minutes. Traditionally, bride and groom fast on their wedding day, and eat together in yichud. Observant men and women do not eat alone together with members of the opposite sex until married, and then only with their spouse. For them, eating alone together is an intimate act, that is, an act that only a married husband and wife would do.)

My spouse and I did fuck in yichud. We had longer than usual in yichud because some chairs and tables needed to be re-arranged between the huppah ceremony and the meal, so a long yichud was planned. (We are not as observant as described above; we had made love many times before.) I’m a traditionalist, at least in this: Yichud
was originally and for a long time for consumating the marriage, I think we should continue the tradition. Have other people done this?

Take care,

Hal

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